A Fight For an Aim

It's a daily struggle for me to comprehend what I want in life. There are many goals that I seek to achieve- personally, spiritually, physically, whatever.

It builds a fire inside of me, inspiring me to go beyond who I am now and to become something glorious and magnificent.

A lot of times, what I want coincides with what my parents want, or what God wants, or what you (yes, YOU) want. Whenever that happens, I question myself for a bit. Am I doing this for myself, or am I just trying to please people without having some real meaningful end? Most of the time, when that happens, I don't mind. Nothing like a win-win, especially when you have supporters riding behind you.

And of course, there are those head-butt clashes that hurt like nobody's business. Those happen whenever your desires can't be fulfilled for one reason or another. They conflict with what other people want, or already have.

Now I don't mind conflict- as long as it strengthens the character or makes me stronger for the experience. But sometimes, conflict hurts.

You find that what you thought you knew, or what you hoped was true...isn't.

To me, that's reality. That's what is the essence of what...we all face. In a distant past, I would find myself sulking and whining. More recently, I just let things be, and just assumed that because I'm me and that I'm so special, things will be alright.

But as I continually assess who I am, and the failures accumulate, I feel the need to strip away the optimistic side of me for a little bit- to simply let myself express the deep, dark, introspective part of me. Sometimes, you just have to face the harsh, bitter truth- because it's the only thing you can see right now.

Truth is a great teacher; it forces you to think about what you've done wrong, and why it was wrong. Most importantly, it trains you find a way to go on and remember to respect that truth.

Right now, I see that I can't always hide behind my facades, nor should I act like something that I'm not. At the same time, I will not let myself be beaten up by others who don't know what lies inside of me, who think they know me, who think that they can say what they like because they may sound good saying it.

I know right now that no matter how strong I may look on the outside, my inside has to be even stronger, or it becomes nothing.

And right now, I am a man who is scared of what his future will be...but is fearless in what he pursues.

"For all the muscles you might admire in a man, the one that matters most is his heart."

Oh Lord, let me fight daily to live up to that standard.