Thoughts of a Running Man

The Leadership Post

2006-03-10T00:30:00.000-08:00

Song Mood - Steven Curtis Chapman - All Things New

A soft, high pitched giggle...bouncing off my eardrums and out into the wind, floating away and away.

A pair of slow blinking eyes, begging for my attention, pointing at my own two eyes, aching for some sort of response...well, anything but that of me turning away...embarrassed by her act of initiative.

A whiff of sweet perfume...fleeting, like the woman it wears that walks behind my back and into the night.

I can't tell you what kind of rush it gives to my heart...to be able to comprehend such emotions.

These feelings of passion, love, romance, whatever synergies that come into my system that cause me to soar on a track very high, with depths even lower.

It's a chase. And well, that's leadership.

1. Leadership is influence, said John Maxwell. You need people who are willing to follow you, who agree with you, who understand where you're coming from. Most likely, they're gonna be your friends.

If you're just about friendships and fulfilling their needs, you're not a leader. You're a politician.

A leader is somebody who is not only about making friends and fulfilling needs- he's about getting them to follow some calling, some idea, some THING - and making them do whatever it takes to achieve a goal. And if possible, he's able to help a LOT more other people in the process.

2. The journey is better than the inn. (Cervantes)

When pursuing somebody, you want to find every advantage possible to winning that person. You might talk to friends, you might search their Xangas, you might walk in on a class that they're taking. When you're immersing yourself with all the experiences that people have, or rather, when you are learning from what you're doing, you give yourself the opportunity to learn at a higher level, and therefore teach at a higher level. Where you're at isn't so important, especially when we're not going to be on Earth forever. What your tracks look like, what kind of legacy you're going to build---that's important.

3. Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming (John Wooden)

4. Ability may get you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there.

Character. Integrity. Honesty. More than anything, it is staying true to who you are, pushing back when you are pushed, and refusing to accept contortions and bastardizations of what you know is right.

I realize that there's one other thing necessary with leadership, and that's the courage and determination to follow through with whatever you start.

Any leader can have an opinion, and so can any idiot. But when you fear making a stupid mistake with what you say, and you hold back who you are, then you've become frozen. It's as if your essence is being withheld.

I would be one to think that if God were finite in His power, we may have to be intensely controlled with our actions. But I believe that if God is powerful enough to give salvation to His elect, who are full of mistakes and all sorts of sin, then we must also trust in following His will if that is what we are called to follow through in action.

So those are a few of my remarks...any thoughts?

February 13th Will be My Valentine Day!

2006-02-15T18:18:00.000-08:00

Hey all,

The thing I love about my spiritual brothers is that they crack me up in so many ways, at least not in the sense that I crack them up, hehe.

I was in the car with three of these brothers, and a couple of them were sort of debating the worth of Valentine's Day.

I'll grossly paraphrase the arguments (because I don't really remember the words)

One said that it was a Catholic holiday, and as a Protestant, we shouldn't celebrate it. He justified his answer with the fact that he and his fiancee don't celebrate it.

The other brother said that it doesn't really matter too much, that since Christmas isn't actually on December 25th, there shouldn't really be much controversy whether to celebrate Valentine's Day or not. The Bible doesn't really have any dates anyhow on those holidays.

Frankly, it's not worth seeing crowded restaurants and sunset walking spots, overpriced rose bouquets, and the general hubub of February 14th. It's too stressful, and quite possibly too cliched.

On the other hand, if you celebrate too late, you're going to be cited for being cheap, as Hallmark and those flower vendors have to get rid of all that excess inventory. So February 15th is out of the Question. or February 15th.

I'd celebrate it on February 13th. While people are building up the 14th, you can quiet enjoy a special evening without much drama. Bake some cookies, pick some flowers, get lucky. Let that person know how much you love them, so much that Valentine's Day isn't enough.

Dang, I wish I wrote this earlier.

Dad's Song

2005-11-28T18:31:00.000-08:00

A side story from Thanksgiving: My dad played the harmonica for us.

For all the times he'd ask our family to play our trios, to hear those same pieces again and again, we never really got to see him perform. Probably because we didn't know.

My dad loves to sing. He was your high school choirboy, singing bass at school and church, where he met my mom, the church organist.

For whatever reason, I hate singing in front of my dad, so I guess playing the cello is a much lesser evil.

I never really understood why, as a little kid, I vehemently refused singing in front of my dad- some of my theories include the fact that I didn't want to sing so well that my dad would cry, or because I was afraid that I would cry if my dad gave me a compliment about my singing. A third might be the fact that I hate pity ;-).

My dad still sings when we have Korean guests come over and then he busts out the karaoke machine. But other than that, we just know it's something he likes doing.

He had bought a harmonica called The Echo Harp a while back, but I never saw him play. I remembered as a child how I tinkered around with a small harmonica, but nothing more.

So when I saw my dad play the harmonica for us, it was a welcome surprise. I wasn't expecting Stevie Wonder, and I didn't care either way. I think more than anything, I just appreciated the fact that my dad was allowing himself to be exposed, and that we could show appreciation for his playing.

There's a lot more to this story, but I will avoid divulging them...they're a lot more private that I could even want to put for all to see. But yeah, hearing Dad play was cool.

Signs of Life

2005-11-22T11:10:00.000-08:00

I was writing this post in early November, and I think now is the time to let it be finished.

It's interesting how we read signs. It seems like every interaction we have in our lives rely on them. You have the obvious (the ones you see while driving), the symbolic (the cross), the ones you use to solve problems (X, -, +)...the enigmatic (dreams).

I have read and heard this plea so many times- the wish for people to be real, to reveal their true selves. It's frustrating definitely.

But what hurts more is that there is the possibility that in communication, both sides may have the same feelings and opinions, yet they do not come to an agreement- because nobody can read the other's intentions. I realize that at times, you have barriers that prevent that- I'll just generalize and call it prejudice, because I think that covers most of bases.

It is painful to recall those painful experiences, so I guess in lieu of feeling pain, we just avoid feeling them again and just decide one day that well, we don't want to deal with it anymore.
People are scared of revealing that kind of side because they've received crap on the other end. They hide through their words, the "mystique" or "bubble" that they've built up over time, and whatever aspect of themselves that they can use so that people don't take advantage of them.

Well, I tell you this: that tells me a sign: we aren't giving enough love.

Now I must say, if I have implied a lifestyle that instilled a distrust in me, then I will take out the plank in my eye and wage again. Not all Christians are hypocrites, and not all hypocrites are Christians, contrary to what non-Christians say in the justification for unbelief.

A good Christian is a reformed hypocrite, somebody whose sins are of the very things we despise and forgive. Therefore, I recognize my shortcomings.

I honestly feel guilty having to justify myself, but admittedly, I am the type that strives to cover his bases when it comes to baring one's soul. Such things said, I continue.

You wonder why becoming a dentist would be such a good idea- it's because people tend to see it as a position of respect. But when you see dentists who live a lifestyle filled with sin and accumulation of petty things, man, you question its legitimacy.

My high school guidance counselor said that a clerical position was my ideal job.
I wondered why customer service careers appealed to me so much- To serve others, to be somebody people can count on, and the fact that I wouldn't have the "celebrity" type recognition either, I guess those were included. Yet if I am called to lead and to truly be a man of God, perhaps I must seek out opportunities beyond that the world seems to see as my limits.

Thoughts like that fueled me when I reconsidered a career in dentistry. My life has been filled with so much pain, how I could I not be prepared enough to show empathy to a patient with a toothache? I desire to have an impact on people's lives as to how they should treat people and themselves, for a lifetime to me is like mere moments to God, and all I can pass on is how I valued people and the lifeskills taught through Scripture and those who inspired me.

Finally, it is a position of action, where one is recognizant of the preparation needed to be a successful dentist, the continuing education needed to maintain that standard, and the follow through required to gain trust. If I can gain trust, maybe...just maybe...there might be a better chance that people will be open to God before the Holy Spirit does its work.

For every beating, every slap in the face Paul received, his resolve grew even stronger. For him, even one new believer would be worth a lifetime in chains. Perhaps I must embrace the chains a little more.

A Stupid Comment to a Stupider Comment

2005-10-17T13:30:00.000-07:00

One of the first signs of freedom we get from our parents when we hit adolescence was what we could wear to school. I can remember growing up, looking at High School sophomores dressing up in the latest fashions and style. I remember in elementary school, when kids would be wearing Jimmy Z and Billabong and Quiksilver, along with all those Guess Who? sweaters and French Toast jackets.

[I also recall the Hello Kitty pencil boxes and Lisa Frank stationary, but then I would be digressing.]

I knew then, as I knew now, that what you wore defined how you'd be seen. A book can't be judged by its cover, but it feels real good when you don't have to work so hard to find geometric proofs in a copy of War and Peace when you got another book that says GEOMETRY for Dummies.

I got by for the most part. Mom took care of my shopping needs, finding great deals at the $5 t-shirt store or TJ Maxx. And I was lucky enough to avoid the judgments of the Fashion Police.

[Thank goodness the Flag of the World T-Shirt I wore in 7th grade was still cool. It certainly got me attention from girls who wanted to get a better look at Djibouti, so they'd poke my ribs when they found it. ]

[Ok, I made up that last sentence. ]

There's nothing I like more than being able to look good to some degree. At least when it counts. Class doesn't count, by the way, especially when you're in college and nobody really cares that much when its an 8 am.

I like having the opportunity to put on a shirt and tie after a hot shower and a good shave. I feel powerful, I feel comfortable in my own skin, let alone the blue dress shirt and the black tie. Something clean, something plain, and best of all, something I can wear when I'm 50 without repercussion from the young ones.

I'm sorry Allen Iverson, but I think your opinion's stupid. You're free to make one because you're an American, and you're free to have it shown on TV because you're a rich professional athlete. Heck, all the kids that look up to you will follow it because you're one of the best athletes too.

But at least in this mind, out of this mouth, placed onto these hands that write, your complaints about the NBA's dress code imply so much more. That you don't care about what people think about you is admirable, but that you don't understand one more thing negates all that rightfully make you admired by the gym rats of the world.

You think being comfortable means dressing up like a thug? Fine. Well, the NBA thinks that the best way of inspiring its fans to go to their games and perhaps fixing up its negative image (which, mind you, you were a contributor to because of what you wear) is by having a dress code. Just on the plane. Just when you leave an arena. Not when you're with your family, not when you're out on the town, not when the NBA season's out of season. Get a grip.

Better yet, if you really wanted to show off your influence as a loud, possibly meaningful voice, I'd try to go out onto the streets and make a full attempt at disproving what the majority of America thinks is dangerous and reprehensible. If you didn't kick your wife out of your house naked after an argument, or tried releasing an album filled with profanity and other negative references, you might a decent chance in succeeding.

For Shame.

A Quick Commericial Break from Blandness

2005-10-06T19:46:00.000-07:00

For the past oh, say 2 years or so, I've listened to Christian radio. Most of the time, I listen to it as I drive to school, which usually means that I'm the only one in the car. It's not necessarily because I try to hide my beliefs when non-Christians are in my car and play a top-40 station (I have been known to play classical music loudly). It's more like, we're usually talking about something, and the music just gets pushed way into the background.

Christian radio isn't a foreign concept to me. Before I understood music other than classical or jazz, I'd get picked up from whatever activity that kept me out of trouble by my mom, who would listen to Korean devotionals and hymns on Korean radio.

When I was about seven or eight, a radio show called the Children's Hour came on, and I would beg my mom to let me listen to it. She would easily oblige, because it was on a Korean radio station and because the show was a combination of Biblical stories and a lot of the praise songs I'd sing at church (or at least try to sing, when I wasn't trying to fend off the other boys who loved to take advantage of my tempermental nature at that age during service)

So now that you know my background on Christian radio, I can kinda get into why I've titled my entry as such. Or at the very least, you got a little tidbit about what my little world was like when I was younger.

I like Christian music, and the inspirational messages and reminders on how we need to live that many of the songs bring to me as I listen on the radio.

Yet I get irritated at times by the tone.

It's too damn "sugary." Like Pat Boone, Shirley Temple, Kumbaya sugary. I can only take so much Steven Curtis Chapman and FFH, you know?

At the same time, I find myself turned off by the attempts made by churches to attract a younger generation. This "wild child" approach seems to intimidate some of us who were raised at a time when we learned to have attention spans longer than 10 minutes. Worse yet, a lot of the lyrics could probably fit pretty well into pop, which makes the songs more, I guess associated with superficialness.

I wish we got to sing hymns. Sure, they might epitomize absolute blandness to some of y'all, but there must be some reason why we sing "Silent Night" or "O Holy Night" during Christmas time.

Since I doubt the majority of us don't really favor turning back the clock, I just hope that when we make music for God, we truly understand what we're singing about. It's truly wonderful when we're able to worship Him, and that the words from our lips are real. We can't fear the worries of culture, or at least let it become a hindrance that prevents us from genuine in how we express our love for the Lord.

Thank you Jesus.

To Heal is to Serve

2005-10-03T01:22:00.000-07:00

Song Mood - Mercy Me - Word of God Speak
Blog Location - Home

Do you ever get that feeling of guilt in yourself, when something bad's happened, and you're just down, perhaps with a lump in your throat, a face flushed in a tint of red you never thought possible? I think everybody has. Most likely, you didn't want them either.

Now imagine those feelings, and wanting to feel that way, but you're unable to. You're numb.

How can I, who was raised in the church from an early age, see pictures of pain and sadness in the pictures of children, orphans that might be plagued with disease, and not care? How I could I just turn my eyes away and feel miserable for no more than a second second after knowing that another life in Africa, North Korea, or wherever has been lost to starvation.

How could I have been satisfied with a life that did not truly serve others, let alone serve people in a way that can dignify people, than can uplift them in times of struggle. Or conversely, how could I not see the benefits of living a life that truly was evident of Christ's glory on Earth?

When I think about that, I'm glad that I decided to pick dentistry. I'm slowly beginning to see how I can really open my heart more to what God wants me to do in my life, and I'm hoping to further center my drive.

Hence, before I finish school at SD, I'm going to get my First AID/CPR Certification.

What surprises me is that not only was my dad part of the reasons for me getting involved in this...I decided to follow it without him even suggesting it.

While I was at home, my dad told me to call the Red Cross and find out when courses were being offered for CPR, so being the good son, I did that.

I asked him if it was mandatory for him to get it because he was a dentist, and he said no, he just wanted to get it just in case.

He didn't tell me specifically what for, but I had a feeling that it was for my brother.

My brother suffers from epilepsy, and will occasionally have seizures. Even with medication, he is not 100% free from these convulsions. During my time at home, he suffered a seizure as he left the shower. It gives me chills sometimes when I think about it, because he's had seizures in the bathtub before, and if he had ever bumped his head on the tub surface or on concrete or marble, it could mean death.

I think the fact that I could perhaps be there for my brother (or somebody else) in a time of great need (when he may lose consciousness for an extended period) gives me a reason to have a stronger sense of preparation. Needless to say, it's practical, but I emphasize this to reinforce a more important desire: to not be out of this world, but to be able to experience this world in a way that God has enabled me to do...through His lens.

Whoosh

2005-09-26T00:51:00.000-07:00

I don't know what's gotten over me.

The presence of the Holy Spirit, the fulfillment of the prophecies David said in Psalms...I want to know more. Seems like whenever I think about the Good Lord, I want to just run and dance.

Y'all might be thinking, "what's different, you like running and dancing, Sung." If it's because of what I've been seeing at Welcome Week...curse my emotions for creating a false high. But maybe, just maybe, I may actually be sincere in my efforts to seek God just a little bit harder. Could it be from prayers that I'm not worthy of?

Whatever it is, if it's from the Spirit, I'm totally cool with that (and thank you if you've been praying for me). It's causing a surge, a tingle, an absolute rush to my arms and legs. Having heard that certain people think I'm "weird", they're gonna think I'm the biggest whackjob once they see me feeling like this.

Well, say what you like. I DON'T GIVE A HOOT. As long I don't cause somebody to stray from what God wants him/her to do on his/her walk, then I see no reason to change. I'm not afraid of being me. I'm a man- maybe someday, you can say I'll be a "man who leaves the seat down."

Maybe someday, I will slow down and not run and jump and scream and spin around like a top. Maybe someday, I will not be so loud with what I feel, and understand that being a gentleman requires harnessing of the tongue.

If that's what cause people to misunderstand me, please pray for that day. Otherwise, just let me keep running and dancing.

I don't know what to do, yet I realize there's nothing I can do- just follow. I hope somebody knows what I'm feeling. All I want to do is just hold on...because this is something where falling off would not be very good.

O is for Old

2005-09-22T19:07:00.000-07:00

I’m looking for a good way to start this entry. More specifically, I just don’t want to start the post with the letter ‘I.’ But then I realize that this is my blog, and that unless I’m writing a newspaper article, I don’t have to follow those rules. So there.

As for topics, I have one. Amidst having a sore callus on my left foot (which in turn has caused slight discomfort throughout the rest of my foot and my left ankle), the fact that many of my friends have full-time jobs, and having the pleasure of surrounding myself with people much younger than I am who love to talk about this, the subject of getting old- we’ll put this in relative terms of course- shall be my focal point today.

I’ll try not to digress here either- old people tend to do that, especially Korean grandpas who just seem to love praying for hours on end (and that’s just for meals). Not that I hate people who pray for hours on end. I read a story about how 26 men prayed for a missionary, and that the power of prayer was so great, the missionary was surrounded by 26 armed guards (so seen by the armed bandits who wanted to steal his money). And I tell you, how ridiculous it is for bandits to steal from a missionary...tells you how desperate people are in those lands. And I digress…=P…so I begin…

As a youth, I would submit to my mom’s demands to take out all the earwax out of my ears. So guess what she’d use? A hair pin! (sorry Linda, my mom didn’t know back then!) I’d squirm and scream, fearing that she’d accidentally get my brain or something like that. Finally, she’d be done, and I’d be relieved. I’d be thankful, so I’d do what I could to “repay” the favor. She wouldn’t trust me to do the dishes, or the laundry, so that left me with just one thing…look at her scalp for white hairs.

My mom was in her mid 30s at the time. Even back then, she was one of the most stoic, even-tempered women I’ve ever met, only getting mad at me when I truly deserved to get disciplined, which was often. (I probably couldn’t tell if she was ever cranky. When I entered middle school and found out what PMS was, it was a most rude awakening)

One of the few times she would ever complain was when she would find white hairs on her forehead. I would immediately come and ask my mom to bow her head so I could remove them. For the most part, she wouldn’t have too many (which was a surprise, considering how much of a burden raising my sister and my brother and I was, especially with the range in personalities) so taking out white hairs to me was the littlest favor I could do for my mom.

Anyhow, I’m beginning to pull out my own white hairs. I’ve pulled about 4-5 so far, but I know there’s more hidden within the vast morass/formerly bowl cut hairstyle. Sure, being a student’s stressful, but so is concentrating on the petty things of life.

I wonder if God’s telling me something…that my energy for life can be put into something more meaningful, like healing people, like lifting them up for Christ. All these student activities are long past me now. I need to face newer, if not bigger, challenges. I don’t think my life’s gonna be enjoyable for much longer if I spend my free time getting boba at midnight. Especially if it’s in the company of people who aren’t always willing to be open to “weirdos” like me.

I’m gonna get old pretty damn quick.

Thunderstruck

2005-09-20T14:18:00.000-07:00

The great realizations in life do not come by one's own longing for the past, nor does it come by one's willingness to pursue that which brought him to his present state.

Sometimes, perhaps as I write this, I find that such a realization is being made before the achievement. A person once said, It's not about having the will to succeed, but to have the will to prepare.

The laws of man are not always the right laws. Do not see that last sentence as a self-righteous statement that attempts to exclude me from the norm. Rather, it is intended to be a reflection of how striving to conform and fit what "society" deems as right may not be so right, but rather, so wrong.

School's in 2 days.

Now if you'll excuse me, my foot is hurting.

Blog Location: New House, University City, CA
Song Mood - Kansas - Carry on My Wayward Son

Yes, Another Survey!

2005-09-14T11:10:00.000-07:00

10 years ago I was: on the verge of starting my greatest academic year. (IE, the closest I've ever been to straight A's...missed it by 5 pts)

5 years ago I was: wondering how I was going to survive with my schedule (Orchestra, Cross Country, Calc, Physics AP, Econ AP, English AP), and where I'd be applying to college.

1 year ago I was: Just starting my senior year at Indiana, refocusing my career choice yet again.

Yesterday: I mowed the lawn with my brother, studied some Chem, prayed, ate food, typed up my sister's homework. Ah, the life of the older brother.

5 snacks I enjoy: Snickers Bars, Kettle Cooked Potato Chips, Beef Jerky, Ice Cream Bars, Pepperidge Farm Goldfish

5 songs I know all the words to: When Can I See You Again (Babyface), I Give Thanks (Brian Thiessen), My Cherie Amour (Stevie Wonder), Fly (Sugar Ray), She Bangs (Ricky Martin/William Hung)

5 things I would do with 100 million dollars: 1. Tithe 2. Donate 10% to the IU Asian Culture Center so that they could get a nice building (with the condition that they raise the same amount in 5 years) and attract some quality Asian American faculty for the AAS program. I think that plot of land across the street from Wright and Teter and Ashton would be perfect! 3. Take care of my educational expenses, along with my sister's. 4. Go to the kiosk next to Ballantine Hall and toss a bag of dollar bills into the sky in the middle of students walking to class. 5. Put the rest in stocks, and pray it grows enough so that I can buy the Dodgers! (:-P)

5 places I would run away to: 1) where the streets have no name. 2) Cliffs by the ocean 3) The countryside on Jeju Island 4) San Diego 5) Bloomington

5 things I would never wear: "anything that doesn't serve a good purpose"...Good answer Won (http://www.xanga.com/wonseok)

But for those who want specifics: 1. Anything pink. 2. A dress. 3. A Skirt 4. A halter top. 5. A UCLA sweatshirt.

5 favorite tv shows: 1. Baseball Tonight 2. The Simpsons 3. Jeopardy 4. Law and Order 5. Sportscenter

5 Bad habits: Keeping my desk clean, not calling home often enough, letting work accumulate to the last minute (especially anything involving writing), expecting less from others because of my own faults, blogging

5 biggest joys: The Goodness of the Lord, Dodger Baseball, Being able to Run, Being able to Dance, Being able to Love (I guess being able to eat helps too!)

5 favorite toys: My siblings (oh, you said toys, not pets, whoops!) My Car, My Ipod mini, My digital camera, my cell phone, my teddy bear

5 fictional characters I would date: Holly Golightly (Breakfast at Tiffany's), Jeon Ji Hyun's character in My Sassy Girl, Gadget from Chip n' Dale's Rescue Rangers...sheesh, can't think of any at the moment.

5 People I tag to do this: Carol Liu, Jon Lee, Saemina Park, Liz Rakphongphairoj, Linda Szeto (probably because they're probably the only people on the planet that read my blog that have blogs too) Heck, if you read my blog, DO THIS!

Checking In

2005-09-09T00:30:00.000-07:00

Song Mood - Mary Mary - Praise You

Blog Location: Ridgecrest, CA (in the desert, about 3 hrs north of SD, 3 hrs north of LA, 3 hrs south of Mammoth)

Well, I'm back in Ridgecrest. Can't say it's San Diego, but it's home, and home's good too. To think, all the amenities I have- Mom's cooking, pristine mountain views from my house, the opportunity to play the cello with my sister and my mom. Looking at my old scrapbooks and pictures.

Probably the thing I get most from Ridgecrest is the fact that I'm able to get away from the hustle and bustle of the city. I have time to read...for fun. I don't have to worry about driving and hoping there's no traffic. Being with my family, surprising for me to say sometimes, allows me to be centered and humbled. Especially when I see my siblings-they give me a lot to think about, and provide me with the best opportunity to make a significant impact on their lives.

I've been back since Tuesday, and I'm already leaving Friday for San Francisco to attend the California Dental Association meeting with my dad. It's the first meeting I've been to since high school, which means it's also the first meeting I'll be attending where I have interest in becoming a dentist. I'm gonna make the best out of the event and try to imagine myself in certain roles as I go through the exhibit halls, visit the dental school tables, maybe walkthrough a lecture or two.

I should be back in San Diego around the 19th, just in time for fall quarter, getting my new place moved in properly, making final preparations for classes, and saying hi again to all the people I've missed at church, particularly the missions team to Panama that left tonight and for whom much prayer is needed.

I would love to talk much about retreat last weekend, but I will try to save it for another time. It definitely left me with much to ponder, especially about truly surrending myself to God's will, and understanding what it means to serve others.

To my LA and Hoosier friends, I miss you guys immensely!

Prolific Terrific/ Summer Playlist

2005-08-30T15:02:00.000-07:00

You know, Andy Rooney's got nothing on me, especially when he gets a whole week to prepare whatever he writes on 60 Minutes.

Again, another time to laze about, another time to write.

I had two ideas for posts last night, so you might see them sometime.

Meanwhile, here's my summer playlist...kinda late for my Hoosiers and my buddies working in the Midwest and the East Coast, but just right for the California people still trying to get mileage out of their summer, finding ways to bask in the sun, hitting the beach.

I assure you, you will know most of the songs I have on the list too. They're in no particular order:

1. Lil' Rob - Summer Nights
For you low riders out there.
2. Will Smith - Summertime
A standard, no question.
3. Fantasia - Summertime
Gotta have vintage stuff too. Really good rendition.
4. Toni Braxton - Unbreak My Heart
This song makes the list because everybody's gotta recover from the aftermath of a summer hookup.
5. DJ Sammy and Yannou - Heaven
To the class of 2002.
6. Heatwave- Always and Forever
The ULTIMATE slow jam.
7. The Bangles - Eternal Flame
A 80's Summer Ballad
8. Bay City Rollers - Saturday Night
I don't know if roller rinks exist anymore, but I'm sure this was the rage back when the Ice Rink in PV was one.
9. Lauryn Hill - Doo Wop (That Thing)
For those of you in favor of hot days in the urban ghetto. Ok, just urban.
10. Notorious BIG - Goin Back to Cali'
Bounce with me.
11. Stevie Wonder - Higher Ground
Gotta have Stevie somewhere on any song list I have.
12. Babyface - Reason for Breathing
More sappy summer drama.
13. Santana and Michelle Branch - Game of Love
(OCPSSS) - Overplayed Catchy Poppy Santana Summer Song. (can be replaced with Smooth)
14. Westlife - Uptown Girl
Wong Fu Productions needs to make their next video with this song.
15. Jon Lee--I mean Jay-Z- Big Pimpin'
N.O.H.O.I.N.V.A.F.O.Z.K.J.
16. LFO - Summergirls (the Abercrombie song)
It's just silly.
17. Ain't Nothin but a G Thang - Snoop and DRE
Compton and LB together now you know you're in trouble...
18. Madonna - Ray of Light
Probably the best Madonna song in the late 90's
19. Green Day - When I Come Around
Back when they hated ALL authority, not just Bush.
20. Coolio - Fantastic Voyage
This song makes me want to get a pimped out Pepsi truck.
21. Jagged Edge feat Nelly - Where the Party At?
Wave your arms like this: Left side, Right Side, Left, Left, Right Side, Left Side, Right, Right
22. Baby Bash - I'm Back
Listen to this while driving a fast car off the coast.
23. Ruff Endz - No More
Ditto.
24. Rihanna - Pon da Replay
Non-techno song with the most bass.
25. Bryan Adams - Summer of '69
You know, you can love only one woman, but you can love many guitars.
26. Chicago - Saturday in the Park
Find it. Oldie but goody.
27. Jason Mraz - The Remedy (I Won't Worry)
Just happy.
28. Kanye West feat. Jamie Foxx - Gold Digger
For those of you in favor of Prenups.
29. Lucas Prata - And She Said...
Ever since I heard this on So You Think You Can Dance, it's been in my head.
30. Mariah Carey - Fantasy
For those of you who liked her when she could actually sing instead of moan.
31. Montell Jordan - This is How We Do It
He could never top his first single. That being said, this was as good as it got in 1995. Sheesh.
32. Naughty By Nature - Hip Hop Hooray
The adult version of Kriss Kross' "Jump Jump"
33. Nelly feat Murphy Lee - Shake Ya Tail Feather
To the road trip where we heard this song 80 times Charlie.
34. Notorious BIG feat. Mase - Mo Money Mo Problems
When sampling is a good idea.
35. UB40 - Red Red Wine
Reggae without the Dancehall.
36. Savage Garden - The Animal Song
It makes me feel free.
37. U2- Beautiful Day
Yup, have to have U2 on this list too.
38. Tupac - California Love
Yeah, this playlist is about Cali love.
39. Jars of Clay - Sunny Days
Definitely a song that puts you in a good mood.

Others I forgot about?

Summer Nights - Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta
Len - Steal My Sunshine
Mase - Feel So Good
Sean Paul - Get Busy

Tell me!

Just Writin...Not Much Else

2005-08-29T17:19:00.000-07:00

Song Mood – Quad City DJs – Come and Ride it (the Train)

Well, it’s already been about 2 and a half months since I came down to San Diego. Though school has gone by quickly, I still feel like it’s been an eternity. I have one more week to go, so I’m going to do my best to finish up on a high note.

I’ve definitely felt like I’ve grown up a little bit- changing my academic thinking has been much more difficult that I anticipated, and it has caused me to be a little more cynical in my approach to studying.

I think for that matter, I might have become more irritable at times--not just from lack of sleep! I think it’s a result of getting rid of as many distractions as possible. I’ve grown tired of living a life where social norms were all I knew, instead of seeking righteous, godly living. Call me a Bible-toting nutmeg crackhead (I bet you love that line), but I think I might be alright with being known as one. At least one who happens to be a dentist or something like that. And I am NOT a nutmeg (remember what show that came from?) or a crackhead.

I’ve been content living my life as follows:

Mon-Friday- School
Saturday- "Chill" and or study
Sunday- Church and or study

Perhaps it’s a more boring approach, but well, I anticipate that the structure will help. I hope to slowly institute a more regimented workout schedule involving running and biking whenever I can. Now that I’m back in California, I can be glad knowing that I’ll be as tan as my bookshelf.

Song Mood Change-

Kanye West featuring Jamie Foxx (as Ray Charles – sweet) – Gold Digger

Damn, this album is gonna be off the hook! And yes, that’ll be the last time I ever say that on my blog.

Yes, Yet Another Survey (MUCH Shorter though)

2005-08-23T22:34:00.000-07:00

1. Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written.

To My Hoosiers

2005-08-23T19:11:00.000-07:00

Song Mood - Vengaboys - Boom Boom Boom... Oh, those good old pre-techno hits.

Blog Location- House on Genesee

Hey All,

I miss you guys. A lot. Probably to the point that it would be considered odd (especially when it isn't Mom, Dad, Sister, Brother, or Significant Other) and sick.

So you guys are starting school on Monday; I'm still toiling away in summer school, followed by a two week break and then fall quarter.

I wonder what I'd be looking forward to if I had been there another year. I think I kinda outgrew AAA...as much as I enjoyed my tenure as prez, I just felt like I had nowhere to from there in terms of that. I guess it's the same feeling my predecessors had before me- just a realization that there are other things that needed to be achieved, other goals, other callings that needed to be followed.

The last thing I'd want is to be a hindrance to another leader.

There's never been a goodbye. And I guess that's appropriate. It's always nice to know that there are still people there at IU that I miss and care about, and that they are gonna be there whenever I get the chance to visit this school year. At the very least, I could try to catch a show at the Aud, or maybe a football/basketball game.

It's kinda pitiful that the students at UCSD have no school spirit...classes are tough, admittedly. You can never give up a day in the quarter system.

Aside from that, If I wanted to express one main difference between La Jolla, CA and Bloomington, IN, it's that in Bloomington, the town feeds off the college- when you go down Kirkwood Avenue and see the bars packed on Friday nights, or the college-friendly eateries, you know you're in a place that epitomizes the college town. In La Jolla, the college kinda just kinda becomes stuffed into the town...an "OC" type town...only the people who live in La Jolla are OLD. "Frat Row" was banned by the people of La Jolla, so the Greek life is pretty nonexistent. If you want to do anything...you need a car. Or at least somebody who has one.

People here say there isn't much to do in SD, but when you really get your mind into it, you can find your own fun. I did that for 4 years in South Central Indiana, so I'm used to adjusting to seemingly lifeless locations. Lots of great Mexican food, nice beaches, and pretty much the same environment I experienced in high school, so it's familiar and refreshing at the same time, since I got to avoid it for a while.

Anyhow, I'm off now, going towards a new life outside of college. It's gonna be tough, it's gonna be painful, but somehow, I will make it. Love you all.

-Sung

Love is Kind, Love is Patient...

2005-08-22T02:03:00.000-07:00

There was a quote I wrote a while back in an old post:

There are two things that I am against in this world: Abortion and Drunkeness.

After finding out some tragic news this past weekend, I am determined to uphold my opposition to the former...as far as I'm concerned, there is NO middle ground here.

Maybe you might consider me judgmental here. I don't care if you do in this case. On the contrary, I cannot let my heart be hardened thinking about such things. Those who consider abortion need knowledge, love and understanding. And those who've gone through with it need such things even more.

Smokey Robinson wrote the song "More Love" to his wife, after finding out that their child...was not to be. In the song, he talks about how he wishes to provide more love "than age or time could every destroy," and that "it would take 100 lifetimes to live it down, wear it down, tear it down."

I think I want to pour out myself a little more, and tell you how much I want to love God in that way, or that I want to be able to show that love to others. Maybe even more, I want to let others send it back to me.

It scares me to think that people misunderstand my intentions and my actions sometimes...as if I was out of my mind or that they see something about me that just isn't there. Just checking with you guys...do I really come off as too serious sometimes (and maybe as a result, not always fun to be around)? Dai-eng if that's the case. That's what happens when you worry about conduct too much, more so than other more pressing issues.

Well, at the least, I am beginning to appreciate how precious life is...seeing a newborn baby from now on might make me think about tearing up (certainly inside, if not outside) -they are the result of God's plan for His kingdom, representing the beauty of the future.

And it is for the future that I must fight.

Save the Drama Trauma, Mama

2005-08-19T15:24:00.000-07:00

Beastie Boys - Sabotage

Blog Location - House on Genesee

Well, for all the times that you've gone through the pain of a sad experience, you've probably also had the opportunity to get somebody through one.

To me, it is a great feeling to know that listening, working through drama, and most importantly, bringing somebody back from that pain contributes to the strengthening of a friendship. When you reveal deep, dark, painful emotions, it tends to help friends bond (that is, as long as the friends are the only people to know about those deep, dark painful emotions- we'll assume blackmail isn't part of friendship, at least for this entry).

Now, I'm not saying that good friendships don't always go through that, but I think that the majority of them do. Who doesn't remember a friend being there for you when your car got trashed, or when you lost a loved one, or when the last Backstreet Boys CD sold out in 23 minutes.

We're all endowed with gifts- talents, traits, inclinations that favor us over others. If we are able to find these "gifts," then I guess there is nothing more suitable than to be able to use them for good, to benefit others, or most importantly, to spread the glory of God.

If you love children, volunteer at an after-school program, or teach Sunday School. If you can cook, teach somebody (like us single guys ;-)) how, so that he will eat for more than one day. Or make lunch for the congregation. If you can play an instrument, enlighten us with your skill, or join the praise team.

For me, I think one of my strongest gifts is my ability to listen. People can trust me with much, and in turn, they tend to be pretty loyal to me too. I feel that I've been able to utilize these skills as a leader to great advantage, opening doors into areas that wouldn't have been open to be otherwise. Even if I may not agree with somebody, I'll still have the respect of the people I'm talking to, because they know that I understand, and that they are being heard.

If you can utilize your talents all the time, go for it (especially if it's a job). Don't feel short changed. Don't feel like you have to accomplish something because of those gifts. Let it be a way for you to be noticed and recognized (without seeking that alone).

With talent comes envy. With talent comes the fact that people want to stretch you much further than you can go without feeling broken. And with that feeling comes a sense of uselessness, a sense of heck, being used...and being discarded.

Right now, there's the possibility that some people are taking advantage of me, in a way that I never would have imagined. I won't say who, but it's making me realize that sometimes, when you try to help somebody, give your heart, but don't waste your time either. There are cases when giving somebody too much help weakens them, and makes them too dependent on you.

I don't feel, used, per se, but I do feel like people sometimes desire for more attention than they ought to be merited, and well, they just ought to sit down, shut up, and listen...to themselves, to their surroundings, to the monsterous beings they've become.

People can only whine for so long before they get on their feet and do something about it, and people can only listen for so long because they realize that their help isn't going to do anything, or it's doing more harm than good.

So for today, and just for today, how about this?

I don't give a sh*t.

Get a life.

Live a life.

A Desire for the Willingness and Ability to Change

2005-08-16T23:44:00.000-07:00

Blog Location: The House on Genesee

Song Mood - Brandy - Almost Doesn't Count

You know, maybe I should admit what I feel. Or maybe I shouldn't. Seems like when you write a journal, you want to be able to reveal everything...but not every thing.

I got a good point from a friend's blog today. If my thoughts were really that important, so much that I needed to write an essay everytime, somebody would have heard my thoughts already. I am not saying that there's no point to write what I write, but well, I guess there's times where you need to cut the fat and spare people the details.

As I have reached the ripe old age of 22, I've determined that there is no weakness for longing for somebody, or revealing what you feel about somebody or something. On the contrary, it seems like this is the perfect time to find your voice, to blare out what you feel, and to solidify your beliefs.

I notice a little bit of swagger inside of me. Somehow, I don't feel as reluctant as I was. I'm thinking that maybe I'm taking a big step in realizing that I have a little more strength and a little more confidence in myself than I thought. Finally, the advice I've been telling my friends is beginning to make sense to an important person: myself.

I find myself caring less about how people perceive me, and more about what I want to represent. I worked hard to be liked by a lot of people, and while I feel that I didn't sacrifice who I was as much as others did for that feeling of popularity, I realized that my heart was broken more times than I needed. The ones who are most important in my life were the ones I didn't show enough compassion for, and well, I'm regretting that.

When I think about how much I am loved by many people, and most importantly, my Lord and my Savior, I cannot help but feel thankful for being forgiven for all of my transgressions. Getting liked by a girl and getting accepted by a dental school don't seem to matter as much when I think in those perspectives.

It doesn't matter as much now when I find my jaw dropping after seeing a girl, or when I tell somebody what my personal beliefs are. I'm more willing and able to do some things that I thought I couldn't do. Like smiling and winking at a girl and waiting for her to turn her head away from me, and even if she doesn't, at least I can act as if my self-confidence isn't broken by it...because it isn't.

Whoa, I never thought I could say that when I entered college!

I'm thinking that some of the advice that I've received about falling in love applies to a different group of people that I'm probably not that attracted to. I mean, I'm obviously able to make a lasting impression on a lot of girls that I meet; for the most part, one that describes an insightful, driven, high energy individual who doesn't have to succumb to what other people think all the time. I might be able to stand for who God is while I'm at it too.

And maybe, just maybe, will I not be misunderstood or perceived as someone whom I'm not based on a few cursory things that I say. That would truly be perfection.

Perhaps my singleness will not change immediately, but you know, it'll come in time. What I feel will be revealed, piece by piece, layer by layer. I will stand on the fact that well, I don't have to be a wimp to people anymore. I just need to be a servant to God.

A Song for You

2005-08-11T14:35:00.000-07:00

Verse I:
If I were to write a love song,
would comparing you to the moon be wrong?

You glow in the night,
guiding me with your light,
I'd never get lost without you.

But the moon has 4 quarters, I rarely see it whole.
And for me to see it all, a month of my life it stole.
Its color is gray, save for some blue.
But you make me feel otherwise, that is true. :-)

Chorus:
I could swoon every woman with the pen as I write
But such love is nothing, I wouldn't feel right.
If dad gave me some money and wished me good luck
I'd be like the chicken and go run amuck.
All I can pray to you instead of success
Is to make me a servant, no more and no less.

Verse II
If I were to write a love song,
would comparing you to my lover be wrong?

Her hugs I can feel, her kisses are like soft rain.
But trusting her alone, salvation I can't gain.

Bridge:
Why can't I describe you, or make you a thing?
I just want to write a song for me to sing.
You aren't like any other, my ship and my rudder,
More words cannot define you, just Alpha and Omega.

A Fight For an Aim

2004-12-12T22:55:00.000-08:00

It's a daily struggle for me to comprehend what I want in life. There are many goals that I seek to achieve- personally, spiritually, physically, whatever.

It builds a fire inside of me, inspiring me to go beyond who I am now and to become something glorious and magnificent.

A lot of times, what I want coincides with what my parents want, or what God wants, or what you (yes, YOU) want. Whenever that happens, I question myself for a bit. Am I doing this for myself, or am I just trying to please people without having some real meaningful end? Most of the time, when that happens, I don't mind. Nothing like a win-win, especially when you have supporters riding behind you.

And of course, there are those head-butt clashes that hurt like nobody's business. Those happen whenever your desires can't be fulfilled for one reason or another. They conflict with what other people want, or already have.

Now I don't mind conflict- as long as it strengthens the character or makes me stronger for the experience. But sometimes, conflict hurts.

You find that what you thought you knew, or what you hoped was true...isn't.

To me, that's reality. That's what is the essence of what...we all face. In a distant past, I would find myself sulking and whining. More recently, I just let things be, and just assumed that because I'm me and that I'm so special, things will be alright.

But as I continually assess who I am, and the failures accumulate, I feel the need to strip away the optimistic side of me for a little bit- to simply let myself express the deep, dark, introspective part of me. Sometimes, you just have to face the harsh, bitter truth- because it's the only thing you can see right now.

Truth is a great teacher; it forces you to think about what you've done wrong, and why it was wrong. Most importantly, it trains you find a way to go on and remember to respect that truth.

Right now, I see that I can't always hide behind my facades, nor should I act like something that I'm not. At the same time, I will not let myself be beaten up by others who don't know what lies inside of me, who think they know me, who think that they can say what they like because they may sound good saying it.

I know right now that no matter how strong I may look on the outside, my inside has to be even stronger, or it becomes nothing.

And right now, I am a man who is scared of what his future will be...but is fearless in what he pursues.

"For all the muscles you might admire in a man, the one that matters most is his heart."

Oh Lord, let me fight daily to live up to that standard.

Grasping While Gasping

2004-11-12T21:14:00.000-08:00

Song Mood - Tchaikovsky - 1812 Overture

He who controls the past, commands the future. He who commands the future, conquers the past.

Here's to a cliched beginning.

I bet it's happened to you before- the realization that something Mom and Dad told you makes sense to you now- after you did the opposite of what they told you. You shouldn't play with matches or eat too many cookies or kiss girls when they don't want to be kissed. (To this day, I can only trust my mom as the exception to the latter) In this case, it's all those lectures about how your parents stressed not doing what they did times 100.

Now, my parents didn't tell me that quote above, but I thought that it would sort of capture the dilemma I'm feeling right now, a paradox of things.

I wonder if all the potential I've been given is going to waste because I'm repeating the same habits, the same behavior in the past that's gotten me into a lot of trouble. And with what I've been doing lately to fix it, I just can't seem to stick to anything consistent.

I'm conflicted with myself. I avoid the right chances and pursue the wrong chances, ending up with something I might be happy with on the outside (and to some degree, happy inside), but in reality I'm disappointed.

It's rough having good spirits one day, and getting bad ones on the next. I don't show it, because I'm used to the ups and downs of life. It's certainly made me a better listener (and in turn, a better friend) knowing about struggles.

But these challenges eat away at me, because I know there's so much I want to achieve. I know I can express myself in so many avenues - music, words, dance, athletics, leadership. I have good retention, a photographic memory. I can list all of my strengths, but it's those weaknesses that hinder me from pushing into the person I aspire to become.

I always believe in redemption, that you can always find a way to overcome your ills to become a success, big or small. I try to find ways to make my future better, so that I can avoid my past failures, but then I find myself short because of my past. So what do I do?

I think this is a bad position to be in- it seems to be a sign that I may not know where I want to go. I better find out quickly. I want to conquer the past.

Catching Up with Old Age and Youth

2004-11-11T04:30:00.000-08:00

Well, nothing like a few private posts to get your head straight, to express some of your angry, spiteful thoughts. I don't think I come off as one of those types (even on the basketball court), and for the most part, people understand where I'm coming from. I'm sure I'd be a lot more careful if I were writing for the LA Times or something like that, where you're just automatically judged, and the audience has higher expectations.

With first semester ready to go by, I've definitely found ways to enjoy my senior year that I didn't see possible or reasonable during years 1-3, partly because the experiences that I had in the past taught me a lot about myself, building my confidence and such. I think most people who are or have been in my position can empathize with my feelings, so I'll consult with them to see if they can allay my fears.

Having looked at life ever so closely in retrospect to my past 3 years, I find myself feeling old. Of course, it's only relative. I still have all my teeth, for instance. But I find that my time as an undergrad is running short, and while I ought to spend it on doing things that I can still do here because I'm a college student (partying, dancing the night away, laughing at my drunk friends), I find myself wanting to do other things that will benefit me after I graduate (aside from studying): creating a retirement account, filing my taxes for the first time, getting info about predentistry...and of course, relishing in every thing that I can do only in Indiana- Little 50, road trips to Purdue, Illinois, Ohio State, Michigan, etc., hitting up Nick's a few times, Dillman Farms, Lake Monroe, eating Tenderloins and gulping down Steak n Shake milkshakes.

I also feel old in the sense that I'm slowly finding things I'm no longer interested in, or at least I have a lot less interest in them. One of the positives is that I'm lot more relaxed with my committments, and that I don't have to worry as much as I did, because I know I did my best with seeing them grow and improve because of me, and because of those I influenced.

A new class of cronies has replaced me, and I'm observing and taking in their individual traits, while cringing at the fact that they do a whole lot of the same crazy s#!t I did when I was at that same point. I still manage to see them objectively, as people I can be happy to assist with in any way possible, while finding time to grow because of what I learn from these people.

So as I continue to actively interact with my underclassmen, there's still much of me that is still young. The romantic in me still exists, waiting for that right moment, where I can express my feelings in a manner that excites the heart of another person. I remain patient, knowing that what will happen will happen in due time, and that I have been (and will always remain) someone who is capable of pursuing and learning the nuances of a relationship.

My faith has stayed steadfast- my Sunday School education has continued to guide me, and I thank God for not letting me wallow in my suffering and shortcomings, and for His son, whom I acknowledge as the Redeemer for my sinful nature. I have truly benefited from trying to live my life as I see right, following the Bible whenever applicable, and not giving a damn as to whether people will see me as less of a man because I may not do what society seems to be favoring. On the contrary, I am more of a man, because I see my masculinity as something to be valued, not tested.

Well, while I can spend the rest of my life examining myself and being introspective, it's always the desire to be right in the now, and right now, I need me some sleep. Time to dream about running races and hitting home runs and kissing many women.

The Homecoming Post

2004-11-01T01:54:00.000-08:00

The memories of Homecoming 2004 at IU are going to be part of the greatest moments of my life. I've really enjoyed every bit of the weekend.

Throughout the whole thing, from the interviews to being on the football field at halftime of the homecoming game (IU won!), I never felt nervous. I was just focused on enjoying the moment, thanking all those who made this possible and really recognizing the accomplishments of the other members of the Court- a Wells Scholar, presidents of organizations, editors of literary magazines, musicians, a representative of Young Life- individuals who were just as driven as me to follow their dreams and to change all that's around them with their mere presence.

I'm going to look back at this time and realize how lucky I am to have been part of something so blissful and satisfying. Though I'll probably be worrying about the real life I'm about to face again, I can say that I've seen a piece of life from the perspective of the social elite, and although I enjoy every little morsel of it, I know that I can live without having to feel it again. It is past me; I could live without being known by the whole world and I walk on, my eyes focused on other things more endearing and more lasting.

So to recap the events of homecoming:

The Parade: An absolute thrill. I rode in a Jeep with Sarah, and we tossed Tootsie Rolls to the little kids anticipating an early Halloween treat. We heard alumni and students and faculty cheering and yelling and clapping, and we cheered and yelled and clapped back to them. I took pictures of the well-wishers, who eagerly watched all the floats pass by, from the Shriners to the Equestrian Club to the various cultural organizations.

As we went down 3rd Street, past the fraternities and sororities on our left, we saw brothers and sisters cheering and clapping for us. It was satisfying; the Greek population that I've been so opposed to for so long seemed sincere in their recognition, and even if the President of the Panhellenic Council was standing right next to me, I knew that I could look at each one of them straight in the eye and say, "Ha, Hoosier Daddy now?"

Country music blared from Alison (our driver)'s radio, and we rode off into the sunset, turning onto Indiana Ave and getting off our float at the Pep Rally stage.

The Pep Rally: Quite mild. I was expecting more exuberance, particularly from the football players. I didn't feel as if the whole crowd was truly into the experience. A shame, considering what it means to come back home to your school, taking pride and stock at your memories and knowing that because you were there, the school was better, or at least you found yourself.

The winners were Walter Mitchell for Homecoming King, and Sarah King and Cassandra for Co-Queens. Yes, I didn't win, but I think this is an occasion where another of my favorite Bible verses come into play:

Every athlete in training submits to strict discipline, in order to be crowned with a wreath that with not last; but we do it for one that will last forever (1 Corinthians 9:25)

I love recognition. I think being the child of immigrants, you tend to savor every little comfort, every little victory that comes. After a while though, you see how it can pollute your views on life. You seek gratification in anything that results in you coming out with the advantage, so much so that you don't care about how much it affects other people. I think that's why it's so important to have your family to lean on, so that they can keep you on a good path, with a pure and loving heart. As I grow more disciplined in my actions, I am one step closer to a lasting goal- entrance through the doors of heaven.

So now I'm left with memories that will grow sweeter with each passing day, wondering if I did everything I wanted to do with this moment. I may have given my rose away, but did I get my fair share of the proverbial nectar, or did I keep the thorns?

Again, I must look back at some of the people who have made me who I am- when I realize that I have friends who have such character that they would not think of you any more or any less because you may get honored in one way or another. Friends who care for you so much that they don't want you to settle, but to achieve for a greater end.

I believe friends are the empowerers of the destined. Thank you all so much.

"I love you guys." - Gene Hackman in "Hoosiers"

So This is High School Again??!

2004-10-25T16:08:00.000-07:00

Song Mood - Rocky IV Soundtrack - There's No Easy Way Out (the one they play when Rocky drives in the tunnel, mourning Apollo's death)

I took a well-deserved nap (well, at least my body deserved it, if not my soul) yesterday after working at the Auditorium, and as soon as I woke up, the phone rang at about 11:50 PM.

I ran to get it, and when I answered, I received the surprising news...

"You've been named as a finalist for Homecoming King."

A rush of adrenaline hit me like a ton of bricks.

Out of all the people who applied for this (which includes $1,000 scholarships for the lucky King and Queen), I get chosen as one of 5 finalists. Amazing. Thank God the student body doesn't vote for this one. I don't know how I could generate all that support on a campus with over 38,000 undergrad/graduate students.

From here on, I have to interview for 15 minutes on Tuesday morning, as the Homecoming Committee decides who to pick. At the very least, I get to ride in a car during the Homecoming Parade on Friday night, attend the Pep Rally where they make their decisions, and participate in the Halftime Show at the IU-Minnesota Game.

Oh well, I can't really say too much more- I'm becoming full of myself just thinking about it. Please hit me if you see me, so I can get sense into my head.

Beating the Bottle

2004-10-22T01:30:00.000-07:00

There are two things that I am against in this world: Abortion and Drunkeness.

I've done more than my share to avoid that first issue, but I've been even more determined to avoid the latter.

I called it a promise to my mom and a tribute to the paternal grandfather I never met, a casuality of liver failure due to years of hard drinking.

The lessons I learned in 4th and 5th grade health hit home, and I vowed never to take a drop of alcohol.

Though I've never lost a friend to drinking, I will never put myself in a position where I would have someone lose theirs. It would crush me for a year to know that I would have to attend a funeral and bow my head at a friend's grave. It would crush me for eternity to be the one who put him there.

I find many of the reasons to drink quite shallow, and to be honest, It's sad to recall those who've pressured me to drink becuase of cheap social norms, must less those who've gotten their asses drunk, ending their nights at the john, the back seat of a car, or the arms of someone who lost his fun for because his friend had too much of it.

Turning 21 brought along a whole new world for me. I'm no longer naive to the taste of alcohol. Whenever I go to a bar, I'm playing a stupid game where everyone feels better about themselves because everyone's doing the same thing- having a beer, a shot, a glass of who knows what.

I know that people have to find some sort of release, so it's an easy way to do that. Admittedly, I find a better sense of relaxation with a quick sip. I like the way beer goes down your gut the way its sugar-coated cousin does. Long Island Iced Teas are absolutely brilliant for not tasting alcoholic. And hard liquor (ie, 151, Jack Daniels) burns like nothing else. That's not drinking, that's masochism.

Yet my principles remain- if I can avoid drinking, I will do so without offending anyone.
I will never get as far as getting drunk. But if somehow I do, I will be sure to stay away from everybody, so that no one ever has the misfortune of seeing that sight.

If there's anything I can ask- please be sure you have a DD. And make sure you give him all the credit in the world. Don't EVER make him feel as if he's lesser than you because he didn't take a sip of something.

And if he tells you that you looked really stupid that night because you drank, accept it. Just assume you had a hell of a time though.

I Really Live For This

2004-10-20T23:13:00.000-07:00

While I live for the Good Lord above all things, a good game of baseball excites me the way few things, save a kiss from a girl, a piece of strawberry pie, a swingin disco beat, could ever do.

The smell of green grass, the digging of cleats into red brick dirt, the crack of rawhide ball against white ash bats- 9 innings of baseball is heaven on earth.

Football has its glories on momentous shots that begin and end like eggs cracking, soccer is a beautiful team sport, college basketball has it's "One Shining Moment," but nowhere else but baseball can the common man bring glory to his fellow teammates and a raucous crowd willing to sit though monotonous balls and strikes for hours on end. Even better, redemption is always one pitch, one swing, one sprint, one catch away.

All the nuances of every young boy's fantasy become reality whenever the playoffs come on TV.

From the day I picked up a tennis ball and starting throwing it against the TV screen, the back screen door, or the family sofa, I could always imagine myself as a starter in the World Series, raring back to fire heat. Whenever I raced towards the outfield in Little League, I would dream of making that leaping catch or uncorking a rocket towards home plate to nail a would-be hero.

Hoop dreams are ephemeral moments inevitably falling into evaporating air. Gridiron glory is cold steel burning in your lungs. The intensity is beautiful- that's why we watch all sports.

But homerun trots and brushback specials and hopping hordes- they are part of what America is made of - the big time showman, the lone warrior, the cameraderie of crazy characters that come together to make greatness when there sadness, doors where there are walls.

That's why it's the national pastime- When Lady Liberty stands on the Harbor, she wishes she could hold a hot dog on her other hand instead of a date marker, and that she could catch a fly ball instead of raising a torch of fire. That's why baseball endures.

And it is for that reason that I am so excited about this World Series. Though my Dodgers are long gone, I can't help but think of the great people of St. Louis who back a team that evokes Murderer's Row. The Astros, led by two horses, Killer B's, and a million shortcomings ready to finally arrive.

And we can't forget the Red Sox- the long-suffering Bridgegrooms of the Yankee East. I see it as fitting that this team represents everything that the Babe was- bold, brash, irreverent. Before tradition, there was anomaly. George Herman Ruth was an anomaly. So's this team.

So forget your curses and hallaballa- let us relish the moments that become engraved in our memories. Let us sing of Papi and Pedro and pitching on fumes. Let us live for this.

Hey

2004-10-18T19:15:00.000-07:00

You know, I wondered whether I should do this. I've been a Xanga writer for as long as I remember- I guess you could even consider it sacreligious- Sung Ahn, Eprop whore, crossing the line, ready to hit the mainstream.

I mean, the reason why I got on Xanga was the fact that I couldn't get a journal on livejournal.com, not to mention the fact that I wanted to write a Xanga different from everybody else's.

Xanga people tend to like writing 2 sentences and feeling so proud of themselves for doing it. They also like posting pictures and stuff. They don't (usually) write long blogs, which have long been a staple of what I do. Blogspot seems have more writers who do stuff like that, as well as people who actually read, so hence this change.

I doubt I can maintain two blogs- not even I could fathom writing that much. Maybe I'll put photos on Xanga, and type on the blogspot.

Those of you who've been fans, thank you. I hope you support my decision.